If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
