I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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