He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
