Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
