You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
