Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I don't deserve a penis
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
