wrigley field is MILF paradise
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
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