Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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