he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
