I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
