Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Randomize
