Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
