Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
