Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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