just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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