my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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