no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
