No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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