Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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