reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
