in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
