Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
