i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
