Jerry, you need to find god
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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