he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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