i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
The adults are the big ones right?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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