drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
