I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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