captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
