So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
