so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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