went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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