He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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