fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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