i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Randomize
