I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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