is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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