How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Randomize
