he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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