so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Randomize
