1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
