there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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