He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
