Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
