he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
