This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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