I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
