Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
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