I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
