I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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